John Chapter 19

Sorry, I missed yesterday!  It was, however my anniversary, so I think that is a good excuse..:-)
I readily admit that I have never, ever liked reading any of the Crucifixion accounts.  I don’t like feeling pain.  I don’t like being sad.  The Crucifixion accounts and “Good Friday”  have always made me incredibly sad so I generally do what I can to skip over those parts of the Bible.   I have always wondered why the name, “Good Friday” when there really doesn’t seem to be anything good about it.  And yet, here I am on day number 5 rereading the same account.
Perhaps I am that person that sees the glass as half empty…..It just seems to me, that many things have happened in my life that have brought me great sorrow. I remember sad times with much greater clarity than I do happy times.  I wonder if the same is true for you.
For many years, Mark and I have prayed for a son.  Don’t get me wrong, we absolutely adore our daughters. But our motivation was probably a bit selfish since the “Moormans” name ends with Mark and probably more importantly to me, we live on a farm, where another pair of strong muscular arms would be very welcomed.  🙂 We were shocked to have that prayer answered four years ago when I was 46 years old.  Then, three months later on Good Friday, our dream was shattered.  I had a miscarriage.  We had suffered through several other miscarriages, but this loss was especially hard because we knew it meant the end of dream.  Though we lost the baby late in the afternoon on that Good Friday, just a few hours later our family went to an evening worship service. It sounds crazy, even as I write about it now, but we felt we needed to go.   All the previous years, I dreaded Good Friday services.  But that day I wanted to be crying with God.   I experienced His pain more intimately as I imagined Him weeping with me as we both mourned the loss of a son.
I highly doubt that any of us would say we love to suffer.  But the older I get, the more I see the need for it in my life.  It is so easy to neglect God when I don’t feel a need for Him.
We live in a society that tells us all the time that life is about being happy.  Look out for # 1.  Our goal should be to be pain free, to avoid suffering at all cost, even to the point of orchestrating our own deaths in our own time in our own way. This is what we have come to.  There are pills to make us happy.  There are pills to take away pain.  There are pills to take away our lives.  Move to a certain state and you can have someone prescribe you a pill so that you can avoid suffering and “legally” end your own life.
We are taught every day in many ways to paint on a fake, superficial veneer.  This is especially true for women who are bombarded with photo-shopped images of creatures that are not real. And then we compare ourselves and our lives and inevitably come up short. We can never look like that.  We can never do enough or be enough.  And we are tempted to be sad and discouraged.  I know I am.
I recently turned 50, and with each passing day I realize how very vulnerable and weak I am.  It is humbling and downright scary.  I am living in a world that is bombarding me with lies and waging war on my soul.  And all too often my flesh is so tempted to listen to the lies.  Isn’t that what Eve did in the garden?  She listened to a lie instead of to the voice of God. And the result…………………………………………………?
Shame entered.  Fear entered.  Pain entered.  Suffering entered.  Tears entered.  Death entered.  And she was forced to leave the garden. A debt was incurred that could never be paid.
Until Jesus…..
Until Good Friday…
Until He uttered His last words….
“It is finished.” – (John 19:30)
Then, the entire debt was paid in full.
The dividing curtain was torn in two.  Because of Jesus I can enter the garden again.  Here.  Now.  I too can walk daily with God.  And I can choose to ignore the lies.  I can choose to cling to Him through my pain and suffering and suffering.  And most importantly, I can look forward to that day when even death itself will be destroyed and there will be no more tears.
-March 16, 2016-

About andreamoormans

I was raised to be an independent, strong-willed woman. My earthly father prepared me for life by sending me to the best schools. I attended Wellesley College, the same school Hillary Clinton and a host of prominent women attended. Gloria Steinem spoke at my graduation. I was a Fulbright Scholar. I went to Harvard Graduate School. My father meant well, but his plans stemmed from worldly wisdom. "Church" was an event I put into my schedule, not the fabric of who I was. Amidst many successes that left me feeling empty, I began searching for meaning. My life was turned upside down when I realized how wrong I had been about God and the Church. I had accepted a diluted, unrecognizable version of both. Earnestly studying my Bible and realizing my need for repentance, I committed myself to a relationship with Christ, following his plan for salvation. That was the easy part. Then began the process of peeling away layer upon layer of religiosity. Now 23 years later, He is still stripping away layers of erroneous thinking and revealing to me how to bring greater glory and honor to Him through my thoughts, my actions, my speech, my life. Though I have been blessed in many ways and have a wonderful family, the desire to obey the Lord's commands has led me to a very different path in life than I would have ever imagined. Following Him has not been easy. In fact, it is harder than any of my studies at the best name schools, ever was. Jesus never promises a life of ease. In fact, He calls me to walk counter to the teachings of this society. But in trading in worldly wisdom for His, I have gained full confidence that Jesus Christ is truly the only treasure worth chasing.
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